I can't say I have much confidence in the Food Network Magazine's attempt to identify the best burgers in Wisconsin, and not just because they slighted me personally.

I am a bigger person than that. When I am wronged, I always call on the wisdom of the late Lee Dreyfus: Forgive and remember.

Here's my reason for being leery of the Food Network Magazine's Wisconsin burger hunt: I fear that where hamburgers are concerned, they suffer from a serious malady I choose to call GQ Syndrome.

Earlier this week, the State Journal received an e-mail from an editor at Food Network Magazine, which is based in New York City.

The editor wrote: "We're looking for local help to find the best and/or most interesting burgers in Wisconsin."

The State Journal editor who received the e-mail passed it along to me, since I have written often about my passion for burgers. In fact, my first State Journal column last March was about the book version of filmmaker George Motz's acclaimed documentary, "Hamburger America." The book salutes three Madison-area burgers: Dotty's, the Plaza and Wedl's (formerly Peterson's) in Jefferson.

After that column ran, I appeared with Motz on Larry Meiller's Wisconsin Public Radio program, and we took calls from all over the state from people touting the best burgers in their cities and towns.

On Monday, I wrote back to the Food Network Magazine editor, humbly offering my services in their quest to choose Wisconsin's best burgers.

I received the following response: "Are you a food editor or food critic? Our sources need to be consistent across the country, so we're limiting our search to food editors/dining critics only."

Of course, I had to respond that I am not a food editor or critic, and that was that.

And I immediately thought: GQ Syndrome.

The syndrome appears to manifest itself mainly in New York City, though this past summer it also surfaced in Paris. I first encountered it back in 2005, when an article in the July issue of GQ Magazine -- hence the syndrome's name -- went out of its way to trash one of the best burgers in Wisconsin:

A story on the country's best burgers included a sidebar titled "Worst Burger," a designation the magazine leveled at Solly's Grille in Glendale: "I'd say it came with close to a half stick of butter soaked into the bun and the burger and finally pooled on the plate. It was like slurping dairy drainage. Wisconsin, the Dairy State, should be renamed the Death-by-Dairy State."

GQ's idea of a great burger was the "California Burger" at a place called Houston's in Santa Monica. It's served with avocado, arugula and honey-mustard dressing.

A burger lover not afflicted with GQ Syndrome could reasonably ask: Is it a burger, or a salad?

This past July, a story in the New York Times revealed that Paris chefs have also been busy trying to "improve" the hamburger: "As French chefs have embraced the quintessentially American food," the Times noted, "they have also made it their own, incorporating Gallic flourishes like cornichons, fleur de sel and fresh thyme."

I'm afraid that if the Food Network Magazine -- based in New York -- limits itself to the opinion of food writers and editors, they'll misfire in their attempt to find the best burgers in Wisconsin. I see an ostrich burger on the horizon.

The best burgers in Wisconsin don't need gimmicks. They are served in an unpretentious setting -- a tavern is best, but not mandatory -- and the meat is fresh. A distinctive bun helps. A "secret" sauce is OK. If the place has a history, all the better.

Even though they didn't ask, I feel duty-bound to try to steer the Food Network Magazine in the right direction.

If they check Motz's book, they'll find not only the three Madison-area places listed above, but also Solly's. (After GQ assailed Solly's, Motz fired them off a rebuke: "Your smug assessment of the American hamburger was an embarrassment.")

In Madison alone, I think the Food Network Magazine should also try the Nitty Gritty; the Oakcrest; the Village Bar; the Harmony; the Blue Moon; the Stadium Bar; the Main Depot; the Avenue Bar; and Babe's. I know I'm leaving a lot of good ones out.

As for our state, this week I asked my friend Mary Bergin, author of the recent "Hungry for Wisconsin," about the state's best burgers. Mary isn't really a food critic; she's a traveler with a good appetite.

Bergin's favorite Wisconsin burger is Chester's, a seasonal drive-in in Plymouth, which she likes for its good hard roll, smear of butter and thinly sliced onions. She also touts the Charcoal Inn in Sheboygan (with a side of baked beans, topped with a square of butter -- take that, GQ) and Kroll's West across from Lambeau Field.

Further south, she likes the burgers at Kewpee Lunch in Racine and Spot Drive-In in Kenosha.

I'm pretty sure you won't find arugula on any of them.

Contact Doug Moe at 608-252-6446 or dmoe@madison.com.