In a nearby park a desperate father shoots his dear son, then himself. We learned that his son loved to swing in this park. It's probably the same swing my son loved to swing on.

How well I can understand this father and his actions. How I empathize!

It's not long ago that over the years I had the same thoughts. I have known the loneliness of caring for a son with epilepsy, with autism, with developmental delays.

I have known the sleepless nights of waiting for the groanings or grunting start of a gran mal seizure in the next bedroom.

I have been awakened by the thudding of my son falling to the floor from his mattress already on the floor. I have lived and relived for days stretching into years the questioning anxieties.

Who will care for my son when I am gone? No one has the patience. No one will be there when I am gone to hold him and protect him through a nighttime seizure.

No one will prevent the banging of his head again and again to the floor or the kicking of his leg or foot against a wooden dresser. And afterwards, no one will prepare him a clean dry bed.

No one will see him dressed warmly against Wisconsin winters or make sure he has plenty of water to drink in Wisconsin summers. No one will prepare wholesome food with plenty of vegetables and fruits. No one will help him with his personal hygiene. No one will be patient with his autism. No one will understand his inappropriate speech or unusual behavior. No one can love him, as I do.

Yes, there are siblings. They will have families of their own.

The burden of caring around the clock for such a child, their brother or sister, will be too great. It will be more than most can bear with demands of spouses, children and work.

How will they have time for the many necessary medical appointments? Yes, we in Madison are fortunate to have many agencies. We have good, kind, caring teachers, neighbors, physicians, nurses, employers, and social workers.

However well meaning these dedicated people are, when their shift is up or their workday finished, it's the caring parent alone with the child. And through the dark nights or weekends without support, that parent is alone.

This father in the park was alone. His distress was compounded by financial difficulties.

Yes, how I empathize! I am haunted by his not having the strength to bear this seeming unbearableness.

My son died six years ago during one of his nighttime seizures. May this loving father, his precious son and my son sleep in peace.

Nolten lives in Madison.