"I actually thought Kyle's death would destroy Matt," Buege said Thursday. "But he's blossomed. The fire has been lit in Matt now. It's amazing how much Matt has changed and grown through his friendship with Kyle."

Kyle Dutter, 12, was shot and killed by his father, Ryan Dutter, on Nov. 18 in a sport utility vehicle at Haen Family Park on Madison's Far West Side. Ryan Dutter then killed himself.

Now Matt and his family are collecting new balls — one of Kyle's favorite things — for the Toys for Tots holiday program. It's something Matt decided to do to handle his grief over his friend's death, Buege said.

Matt, 13, who has behavioral and mental disabilities as did Kyle, had been assigned as Kyle's peer mentor when the high-needs 12-year-old transferred from the Beloit schools to Glacier Creek last fall. Against the odds, the two bonded.

"Matt has a great deal of empathy and compassion," Buege said. "Working with Kyle brought that good side out."

Kyle would throw his arm around the teenager he called "my buddy." The two took walks, and Matt helped Kyle with gym class, with the mechanical aspects of eating, with communicating.

"He and Kyle shared a special bond," said Matt's mother, Shelly Manser. "Matt says he misses Kyle's smile. He was absolutely heartbroken when we told him about Kyle. We actually went to Glacier Creek Middle School and had staff help us with telling him. Later that day and the next, we answered his questions truthfully. He not only knew Kyle but had met Ryan many times. It was very hard to explain to him who shot Kyle."

Buege said the shooting was tragic, but, in the darkest of times, a parent of a special-needs child can feel alone and overwhelmed, fearful of what future the child will have.

Buege, who has two special-needs children of her own, was helping Matt map his grief when the idea of collecting balls for Toys for Tots took shape. Matt and his family took on the project, she said, getting boxes for the donation to seven sites, organizing publicity, making the contact with Toys for Tots.

"We started the ball rolling by figuring who could do what," Shelly Manser said. "Plastic Ingenuity donated boxes. The kids in the special education program decorated them. I printed posters and flyers. I asked our area schools and businesses to be drop-off locations."

Response has been good, she said. "Matt had a great idea," Manser said. "It helps him heal. It provides lots of toys for the Toys for Tots program. And finally it shows everyone that our children can do great things. They need a little more help, but they put their hearts into it and it provides them with wonderful positive feedback."

HOW TO DONATE

You can donate new balls in memory of Kyle Dutter to the Toys for Tots program at one of seven locations or make a cash donation.

Donation drop-off locations:

• Glacier Creek Middle School, 2800 Military Road, Cross Plains

• Sauk Trail Elementary School, 2205 Branch St., Middleton

• Kromrey Middle School, 7009 Donna Drive, Middleton

• Park Elementary School, 1209 Park St., Cross Plains

• Middleton-Cross Plains School District Administration Center, 7106 South Ave., Middleton

• Terry's Piggly Wiggly, 28 Glaciers Edge Square, Cross Plains

• Kalscheur's Garage, 2404 Main St., Cross Plains

Cash donations can be deposited in the name of Matt's Club at any State Bank of Cross Plains branch or can be mailed to:

State Bank of Cross Plains
1205 Main St.
Cross Plains, WI 53528